The first album of 2023 and it broke my brain
So I started 2023 with a recommendation.
“Check out A New Generation of Vampiric Conspiracies by Old Nick,” a friend said.
Sure, I thought. Sounds like black metal. How weird could it be?
Let me tell you: I was not ready.
Marching band intros and synth-drenched chaos
The album opens with Blood Moon Rising—your standard intro track. Some piano. Some synths. Atmospheric.
I braced myself for the raw black metal that usually follows: shrieks, tremolo picking, chaos. You know the drill.
Then the first real track starts—the title track—and it does, in fact, begin with blasting, lo-fi shrieking, and furious guitars. For about 42 seconds.
And then?
Absolute synthy nonsense.
Humppa rhythm. Happy melody. Full black metal rasping over something that sounds like it came from a cursed GameBoy cartridge. It made me want to skip. Happy skipping.
I cackled. And then hit repeat.
Who the hell is Old Nick?
Old Nick formed in 2020 and has since released: 4 full-length albums and 9 EPs. An entire haunted crypt full of sonic goblinry.
The band is made up of Abysmal Specter (vocals), Sentencer (guitars) and Practitioner (drums). Names that suggest they all work part-time at a medieval funeral parlour.
They’re classified as raw black metal meets dungeon synth—and it’s the dungeon synth part that absolutely explodes here. No subtle textures. No tasteful layering. Just full-blown synth chaos.
And they are having so much fun.
Welcome to the black metal funhouse
This album is 48 minutes, 16 tracks, and utterly feral.
It’s like getting lured into a carnival in the middle of the night by a vampire mime and never escaping.
Each track is short, punchy, and deeply cursed in its own way.
There’s something unexpected around every corner—a twist, a xylophone, a ghost choir. And somehow it still works.
Xylophones. Mandolins. Screeching. Repeat.
Standouts? Hard to say. It all bleeds together in the best possible way.
You’ll get:
- Xylophone breakdowns
- Poppy synths that sound like cursed RPG music
- Mandolin interludes
- Female vocals, choir stabs, organ solos
- Nearly comedic melodic lines
- Utterly unintelligible rasps over all of it
The black metal backbone is still there—but Old Nick gleefully slaps glitter glue all over it. This is not “evil” in the traditional sense. It’s Scooby-Doo haunted. It’s midnight in a cursed toy store. It’s—just so much fun.
And yes—track titles like You Can’t Unplug the Haunted Landline! exist.
Because of course they do.
I am terrified and obsessed
This album completely derailed me—in the best way.
It’s deranged. It’s delightful.
It’s like someone threw a vampire rave in a pixelated dungeon and let the synth gremlins take over.
It’s already one of my favourite listens of 2023.
If you’ve ever wanted to dance, cry, scream, and cast a spell in the same three minutes—this is your record.
Go forth and screech. Preferably with a mandolin.